Barath+examples


 * TEARS OF A TIGER JOURNAL ENTRIES**


 * Student #1 - Edited work**

1. Put yourself in place of one of the boys who escaped the crash but was forced to watch "helplessly as Rob died." What is going through your head? How do you feel physically and mentally? How do you think that you will feel tomorrow?

2. When you hear or read of a car accident that involved teenagers, what do you tend to assume was the cause of the accident? What about if you hear about an accident involving the elderly? Explain your answers.

When I hear of a car accident involving teenagers, I assume that they were going to fast or possibly driving drunk. The kids think it's cool to drive fast and drink, even though it really is not. When an accident involves the elderly, it is usually not their own fault. Often a deer runs in front of the car, causing them to swerve and lose control. Many other times drunk drivers cause an accident. I think this is because older people pay attention and are more careful than teenagers__.__

TB - Nice work. Good use of complex sentences and punctuation.

3. Andy and Rob have their own slang and manner of speaking. On the surface they seem to be putting each other down, but it is clear to us that they are close friends who respect each other. What purpose does this style of language serve? Does it draw you closer together? Does it set you off from others? Explain.

4. In a paragraph rich with sensory detail, write about your own most frightening moment.

5. Although many people did cry, Rhonda did not cry after the accident occured; she was angry. When or if a public tragedy occurs and it is not someone in your immediate family (9/11/01), how do you respond? Explain.

6. One //Herald// editorial says that statistics don't usually "mean much, but this statistic (Rob) had a name, face,..." Do you agree that it is hard to feel emotional about the statistics when you do not have a face to relate them to?

I agree that it is hard to feel emotional about statistics if you can't see or don't know the person in the statistic. Some people may think that statistics are made just to scare them. Knowing the person makes it more meaningful by making you realize that they are about real people that have friends and family that care about them. It also helps people realize that accidents can happen to anybody, including themselves and people they know.

7. In his homework assignment, Gerald writes that he would rid the world of 3 things. What 3 things would you rid the world of? Stick to concrete items, and back up your choices with personal reasons why you are eliminating them.

If I could rid the world of three things it would be alcohol, illegal drugs, and cigarettes. These cause car accidents, death, injuries (sometimes permanent), and violence. Drunk driving kills many innocent people. Drugs can kill people that take them or cause their bodies permanent damage that cannot be reversed. People also are very violent when they take drugs or drink. Cigarettes hurt those who smoke and the ones around them. They can cause lung cancer. I think ridding the world of these items would make it a better, safer place to live.

TB - Great job, !


 * Student #2 - Edited**

1. Put yourself in place of one of the boys who escaped the crash but was forced to watch "helplessly as Rob died." What is going through your head? How do you feel physically and mentally? How do you think that you will feel tomorrow? If I were in place of Andy and I had to stand there watching Rob die in the fire, I would have a million things running through my head. One of the things would be how I could try to save him, or how could I have let this happen to him. The one I would be thinking about most would be why does he have to die right now, right in front of me? Physically, I would be hurt, but I would not pay attention to it at the time. I have cuts, bruises, and burns. Mentally, I feel devastated, helpless, confused, and upset. I feel like I am responsible for Rob's death, becuase I was the one driving. Tomorrow will be even worse than today. I will be realizing what really had happened, and I will not be in shock anymore, so all the thoughts will be coming in clearer.

2. When you hear or read of a car accident that involved teenagers, what do you tend to assume was the cause of the accident? What about if you hear about an accident involving the elderly? Explain your answers. When I hear or read about a car accident that involved teenagers, I tend to assume alcohol was the cause of the accident. Most of the cases, that is the cause. Another thing I assume the cause could be is speeding. Sometimes, when kids drive, they tend to caught up in how loud the music is, and how cool they want their friends to think they are, and they don't pay attention to what is going on around them. If I hear about an accident involving the elderly, I tend to assume it involved health issues, such as heart attacks, strokes, anurisms, or they just fainted.

3. Andy and Rob have their own slang and manner of speaking. On the surface they seem to be putting each other down, but it is clear to us that they are close friends who respect each other. What purpose does this style of language serve? Does it draw you closer together? Does it set you off from others? Explain. To me, the purpose of this style of language serves alot of purposes. It proves that best friends can say anything to each other, and will not take it to offense. It is like sarcasm, and the friends know the person is joking around. I think it draws best friends closer together. Although, if friends aren't as close, talking like that might offend them, so it might pull them apart. My best friend and I talk as if we are putting each other down. I don't talk like that with my regular friends though. Some people take offense to different things, and I wouldn't want to risk a friendship over it.

TB - Well written. I like the mix of sentence structure. Punctuation is good.


 * Student #3 - Fine motor**

8. In his homework assigment, Gerald writes that he would rid the world of 3 things. What 3 things would you rid the world of? Stick to concrete items, and back up your choices with personal reasons why you are eliminating them. If I would get rid of 3 things they would be homework,dress,and mashed potaoes.I would get rid of homework becase homework just get in the way of stuff.I would get rid of dresses becase I hate wearing them and I just don't think there is a reason for them.And fiannly I would rid of mashed potaoes becase I don't like to eat them.

9. Neither of Andy's parents bother to show up for the game. How important is it for you that your parents turn out for the events in which you participate? Explain. It is importin for parnets to participate in school events so that if a injury the parents can get them to the hospail or cangas them if they have a good game.Becase they might not know if they kid is injurd or had a good game.

10.Andy mentions that some kids at school haven't looked him in the face since the accident; one even taped a mean note to his locker. How would you treat Andy now? Elaborate I would say to Andy Its not your fault. I would treat Andy in a understanding way .Like I wouldn't call him names,make fun of him, or, tape mean notes to his locker.

TB - You are on the right track. Try to go back and look for words that are misspelled. Keep up the good work!!

Student #4 - Student will not edit 7. In his homework assigment, Gerald writes that he would rid the world of 3 things. What 3 things would you rid the world of? Stick to concrete items, and back up your choices with personal reasons why you are eliminating them

If I were to rid the world of three things they would have to be, poorly built houses, places that say Do not enter on the front, and old fishermen.

The reason I would get rid of poorly built houses is easy, because my house is obviously poorly built, it may not look it but it must be. Like when i go to get a shower and theres a wood spider in the shower curtains, I slip, i fall, who benifits from that? Not me. Or when it rains, my ceiling in my room leaks, and it just soo happens too leak right on my bed!! Then i have too sleep on the floor and use a sleeping bag, not to mention theres no heat in my room which makes it extremely cold. That is why i would get rid of poorly built houses.

Now the reason i'd get rid of places that say "Do not enter" on them is because its too tempting. I mean kids see it, there curious they have too know whats in there soo they brake in and get in trouble. Like the abandoned storage houe behind my grandmas i finally couldn't help but wonder what was in there soo i broke in and got arrested. I had to do community service deffinitly not worth it. Thats why i would get rid of places that say Do not enter.

The reason why i would get rid of old fishermen, well there just horrible people. They go down to the dam with a few beers, therre beat up tackle box and a pole. Every time they catch a fish they throw it up in the rocks instead of the water witch is easier.Then they leave the bottles on the peir a few are busted, fish guts, and a huge wad of tangled string. Now this might not seem that bad but the fish stink really badly, you get cut on the bottles, and the string gets caught on everything. They turn a nice peacfull trip to the dam into an experience you'd pass up any day.

Those are the three things i would rid the world of and why i think they'd make life better if they were gone.

TB - Your ideas are great. How about a little editing to clean it up? Too many spelling errors.

1. Put yourself in place of one of the boys who escaped the crash but was forced to watch "helplessly as Rob died." What is going through your head? How do you feel physically and mentally? How do you think that you will feel tomorrow?
 * Student #5 -** **Does not understand process of writing and editing.**

They are a glade they get out of the car. Then they sow rob stack in the car that they cold not help.They are mad that he could not get then out of the car. I would of felt bad if my frind dide.

9. Andy mentions that the kids at school have not looked at him since the accident; one even taped a mean note to his locker. How would you treat Andy? Elaborate.

Every one is talking about it to mack you feel bad. He is harting this that he killd them. He feel bad about what he did. He was mad for what he did to hear him. Try to help hem to work throught what he been throw. Than he tride to punsh his self more than he did.

2. When you hear or read of a car accident that involved teenagers, what do you tend to assume was the cause of the accident? What about if you hear about an accident involving the elderly? Explain your answers. I think it is ankithall and drugs. They where drunking and drivening and that is what happen that is why they dide. Bcouse they thanks it is cool to do it .That they would they will be in jial and that they should not been doing that in the frist place. They doint thank whta will happen if they will do it. They doint think they will get hart never,never.

TB - Great start. We will work together during class to put your ideas in order. We also need to work on spelling.